Sponge bath it is.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
