i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
