In America we eat man semen.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
