everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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