When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
