Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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