She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
