Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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