Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
