remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
