my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
