Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Blood and glitter go together right?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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