Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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