I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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