oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
