I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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