Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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