1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
