they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
