I got chris browned last night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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