Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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