I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
