Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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