i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
