I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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