Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
