ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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