Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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