the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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