Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
