I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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