Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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