I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
