im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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