At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
