I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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