Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
