I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
