You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
