i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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