Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
