suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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