Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
