We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
