my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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