It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
