dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
