i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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