My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
