So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
