tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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