Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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