I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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