i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
