i would punch a child for taco bell
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
