I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
