i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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